Felix Jones
Ah, the old cauliflower. Did you know that the Swedish for flower is blomma? Did you also know that the Swedish for cabbage is kål?
And did you know that cauliflower, coleslaw, and kale all come from the same Latin word “caulae”?
That’s right: Blomkål is flower-kale, or flower-cauli, or cauliflower.
A while back we used Hello Fresh (not sponsored) for a few months, and this is one of the better recipes that we got, to the point where I’ve cooked it more times than I’ve counted. Unfortunately Hello Fresh’s instructions are close to garbage (do they even account for ingredient preperation time???), not to mention my recipe is in Swedish so I can’t even understand the instructions.
I’ve decided to type it up proper and translate it. I’ll add my own artistic flair, so hopefully Hello Fresh doesn’t mind.
Recipe is for two, double everything for four, double again for eight, multiply by 3 for six, take the square root if you’re feeling irrational.
Recipe will successfully feed vegetarians.
Ingredients
Hot tip: Prepare ingredients before cooking to give yourself the illusion that you’re saving time.
If you’re cooking immediately after ingredient prep; then pre-heat your oven to 200°C.
Breaded cauliflower
- Cauliflower florets* (275g)
- Breadcrumbs (50g)
- Aioli (40g)
- Ketchup (12.5g)
- Chili flakes (a few pinches)
- Salt (a single, cheeky pinch)
I recommend measuring the aioli and ketchup together (in a large bowl) as you’re going to be mixing them anyway.
* I’ve found that a half of a large cauliflower tends to be enough. The size of the florets is up to you, but it’s best to be on the side of larger florets. It’s 275g of florets, not the entire cauliflower.
Garlic rice
- Jasmin rice (150g)
- Garlic (2 cloves, crushed or chopped)
- Water (300ml)
- Butter
- Olive oil
- Salt (a single, cheeky pinch)
Maybe also have another 100ml of water on hand separately. Just in case.
Bizarrely delicious mayonaise
Apparently this is called “Bang Bang Mayo”, but I guess you can name it whatever you’d like to impress your guests.
- Mayonaise (25g)
- Soy sauce* (25ml)
- Ketchup (12.5g)
- Sesame seeds (10g)
- Chili flakes (like, six pinches maybe?)
I also recommend measuring the mayonaise, soy sauce, ketchup, and sesame seeds together (in a small bowl) as you’re going to mix these together to make the bizarrely delicious mayonaise.
* Light or dark soy sauce, it’s your choice. I recommend dark.
Wok vegetables
If you don’t have a wok, then a small frying pan works fine.
- Carrot, peeled & chopped into half moons (1 medium sized stick)
- Spinach, roughly chopped up* (60g)
- The white parts of spring onions** (the type Hatsune Miku holds) (2 sticks)
- Olive oil
Hot tip: Wash the spring onions as well as you can with cold water.
* If you can only find baby spinach, then grab that.
** Prepare these by chopping off the end at the root (the hairy part) and then peeling off a single layer of the onion. Also trim the green tips so they’re pretty. Chop these from the root towards the green tips, horizontally so you get nice circular discs of spring onion. The white parts fry up better, and we’ll save the green parts for garnish, so try to separate into a pile of white parts that look ideal for frying (I find it’s usually the bottom 75% of a stick).
Cucumber salad
These won’t be cooked, so make sure you wash the ingredients with cold water.
- Cucumber chopped into circles (1 stick for two people)
- The green parts of spring onions* (2 sticks)
If you’re not a cucumber type of person then a red pepper makes a good substitute. Half a red pepper cut into sticks.
* See above for prep guidance (I find it’s usually the top 25% of a stick).
Additional equipment
- Baking paper/parchment (1 sheet for a baking tray)
Cooking
The krispig blomkål
Pre-heat your oven to 200°C (if it already is pre-heated, then good job).
Mix the aioli, ketchup (12.5g), chili flakes, and salt in a large bowl - I find using a teaspoon to mix is effective, and you can use another teaspoon to scrape sauce off the one you used to mix. Make sure it is combined well.
We’ll be using this goo stuff to bread the cauliflower florets.
Add the cauliflower florets into the large bowl, and carefully mix with a non-metalic spoon (preferably plastic, but a wooden spoon works). Keep mixing until the sauce has practically disappeared from the bottom of the bowl.
Add the breadcrumbs a part at a time, mixing the cauliflower each time to get it all covered in breadcrumbs. Don’t worry if it’s not entirely covered, just makes sure you end up with all the breadcrumbs in the bowl, and a good amount on the cauliflower.
Line your baking tray with baking paper/parchment, and then evenly spread the breaded cauliflower florets over the paper’d tray. Ideally the florets will bake evenly.
Bake the breaded cauliflower in your preheated oven for 25 minutes (set a timer!).
When baked: Remove from oven. If you don’t have enough work space to remove it from the oven, then turn the oven off (but do not leave it in the cooling oven for more than 5 minutes!).
The garlic rice
Melt a small chunk of butter, with a splash of olive oil, in a medium sized saucepan ON A LOW HEAT. If your butter turns brown (caramelises); you done goof’d.
Throw in your crushed/chopped garlic, and let it fry (still on low) for 1 minute 30 seconds. If your garlic turns black (burns); you done goof’d.
Immediately after the 1 minute 30 seconds throw in the rice and water (300ml) together, then add a pinch of salt. Whack that up to full heat, we’re going to bring it to a (very) brief boil.
When you see bubbles through the water, or hear the familiar sound of boiling, give the rice a brief stir with a non-metalic spoon (the sound of a metal spoon scraping on a saucepan… ugh), put a lid on the saucepan, and then turn the heat back down to medium*.
Cook on medium for 12 minutes (set a timer!), and do not open the lid.
When that timer goes off, step away from whatever you were doing (hopefully the next step of this recipe) and turn the heat to the lowest setting.
If you’re concerned about the rice, quickly take off the lid and give it a single stir to check that not all the water has boiled off. If it has: Add that emergency 100ml of cold water, and then immediately put the lid back on.
Cook on lowest for 10 minutes (set a timer!). The goal here is to steam the rice so it’s all fluffy.
When THAT timer goes off, take the rice off the heat entirely (move it to a cold part of the hob).
* If you don’t know what medium heat is on your hob, then go for a notch over the half-way point.
The bizarrely delicious mayonaise
In a small bowl, mix up the mayonaise, soy sauce, ketchup, sesame seeds, and chili flakes. Use a teaspoon for high precision mixing, and a second teaspoon to scrape the sauce off the first one.
That’s it. Put it to the side.
Wok vegetables
In a wok (or small frying pan), heat up a splash of olive oil (medium heat should be fine), and add in the half-moon’ed carrots. Carrots take a while to cook, so give it 5 minutes.
Add in the spinach and spring onion whites together, and cook for another 5 minutes.
Serving
Get your bowls.
The water should be boiled off from the rice, so if you’re British you can put down that sieve, and instead grab a spoon suitable for scooping out rice (a deep plastic one, or a wooden rice spoon if you’re posh).
Divide the rice into the bottom of each bowl.
Divide the breaded cauliflower into each bowl (on top of the rice).
Divide the wok vegetables into each bowl (to one side, if you want a nice presentation).
On the side of the bowl without the wok vegetables, put the cucumber slices (you can make them lean on each other for a nice presentation).
Pour over the bizarrely delicious mayonaise in a nice zig-zag pattern. You want to get a nice splash on the wok vegetables, cucumber slices, and the breaded cauliflower. Make sure you divide this equally between the bowls, don’t dump it all on the first bowl…
Sprinkle over the spring onion greens as a garnish.
If the bizarrely delicious mayonaise isn’t enough for you, then siracha mayo goes quite well with this dish also.
Drinks to pair with
Lager beers go well with this (pilsners, etc), but a pale ale works too (IPA).